


Collar Full

by valetudinary



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non AU, donghyuck is a perfectionist, identity crisis, literally johnten is just implied, seeing strings au, the rest are like mentioned...once, you give your own definition to the ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 15:45:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10665798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valetudinary/pseuds/valetudinary
Summary: Donghyuck sees the colorful strings connecting each person to one another. Life isn't all that exciting when he suddenly gets his heart broken, until a boy whose strings shine the brightest walks into his life.





	Collar Full

**Author's Note:**

> yes i wrote this on a whim ! im actually working on five markhyuck mega fics right now but i really wanted to write this au so here's a product of my 3 AM urges
> 
> Inspired by: 
> 
> \- That one rookies evaluation where Donghyuck wore Mark's polo on top of his shirt 
> 
> \- Donghyuck

It wasn't exactly hard to work around it in his daily life, he just learned to ignore the low humming of the strings as he watched people form more and more threads by each passing day. As a kid, he didn't understand that these strings were seen through his eyes only, witnessing a handful of teachers laugh at his childlike imagination. By the time he entered elementary school he learned to never bring it up to anyone ever again.

He often encountered the strong hues of orange and yellow in grade school, seeing friendships form and evolve right in front of his own eyes. He saw how occasionally, innocent shades of baby pink threads connected his classmates, their minds too young to process the deeper level of infatuation. Most of the threads connecting to him were the brightest hues of yellow and the serene shades of green, thus he was glad that he brought such happiness and positivity in their lives. It was inevitable to see pink threads being associated with him as he entered high school, his cheeks losing their previous fullness as he started towering over the rest of his classmates.

He always knew when someone would approach him to confess, but even with the knowledge beforehand, his mind still went blank whenever another girl looked up at him with hopeful eyes. He looked down at the thread she had given him, a rosy pink with the occasional twirls of silver. It was incredibly beautiful to look at, resembling innocent love and admiration, yet Donghyuck knew that he associated nothing more than the colors of the sunset for all of them, harboring nothing beyond friendship and respect.

It was incredibly painful for him to see their threads lose color whenever he turned them down, but he always smiled down at them whenever he saw the pink they have given him turn into a bright orange, knowing that they still wanted to be friends. It broke his heart when he saw them turn into dark shades of blues and purples, their pain and longing blending in with the dark sky of the evening.

Needless to say it wasn't exactly a blessing to see this type of stuff, even worse when he learned that he could feel the current of their emotions whenever he leaned over to touch one. He learned this the hard way when he was in his second year of high school.

He started harboring feelings for his seat mate in biology, shocked and slightly terrified when he saw that he had associated somebody with a pink thread for the first time in his life. He was scared to confront this specific pink thread because he knew that he fell for someone of the same gender.

He always saw boys associating pink with the cutest girls in the room, but never has he seen them give one to a fellow male. He knew that his attention always lingered on his cute class president or the captain of the soccer team, but seeing the baby pink string connecting him to an actual boy terrified him to no end.

His heart almost stopped in place when he went to school and saw that someone new has given him a rosy pink thread, evolving from the bright orange that it was before. He followed it until its end just to see his charming seat mate smiling down on him, dragging him away to their first period bio. Not wanting to delude himself any further, he tried touching a thread for the first time.

"He's adorable and funny and god I just wanna kiss him when he laughs like that," Donghyuck's heartbeat quickened as he heard his friend's voice in his head, but the pink string suddenly gave way to the darkest shade of blue he's ever seen, the sadness seeping through his very fingers.

"But I can't love him because he's a boy." His heart shattered as he felt tears welling up in his eyes, immediately letting go of the thread and trying to forget the sadness of the voice inside of his head. How could he be so stupid? Of course he's still a boy, and boys shouldn't like boys should they? But why did his heart beat so fast when he heard the whisper of his seat mate inside of his own head?

He saw as the thread he gave his seat mate turned into a blue the color of the sea at night, the string almost looking black as he stared down at him. Regret, he felt it so hard, he felt the pain and the sorrow and he saw his visions of them kissing behind the lockers disappear with the pinkness of the line connecting the two of them.

Needless to say they never confronted the possibility of "what if?", but Donghyuck was glad when both of their strings were bright orange as they left for their summer break. From then on he promised himself to never touch another thread again.

* * *

 He hasn't given someone another pink thread since then, seeing how he regarded everyone with the same shades of green and yellow, settling for nothing more than the strong relationship of trust amongst friends. He's never felt so strongly about anyone else until he went inside that audition room at the young age of thirteen.

He faced the judges with shaking knees as he cleared his throat, standing still as he waited for the background music to start. He connected blue and purple threads with their piercing eyes, the thread radiating nothing but nervousness as it vibrated with the intensity of Donghyuck's fright.

The music started and he breathed before he started singing, closing his eyes in fear of seeing the threads they've associated with his cracking voice.

Before he knew it the music ended and he stood silently in the middle of the room, the polished wood greeting him as he opened his eyes. He hesitantly looked up at their faces and saw the stoic looks they held as they discussed amongst themselves.

He tried not to start crying out of joy when he saw the yellow threads they've connected to him as they told him to wait outside, letting out a broken laugh as he leaned his head against the wall. He was ushered into a room filled with many other hopeful eyes, the air of nervousness lingering in the air as he sat down across the mirrored wall, observing the people around him.

Most of them were older than him, but he saw a few who looked younger, eyes shaking as their foot tapped against the wooden floor. What shocked him the most was the lack of threads present in the room, not one even seen in the tension-filled area. This lasted on for about a minute until a staff member entered the room and everyone's backs immediately shot up straight.

"If I call your name please step out of the room and proceed to the right staircase, a staff member would be waiting for you at the end." He cleared his throat and started with the surname Ahn. It went on for minutes until there were only less than a quarter of them left in the room.

Donghyuck was confused, didn't the judges react positively to his audition? His mind was spewing thoughts a mile a minute as his palms started feeling clammy, were these strings just fake all along?

He was having an internal mental battle with himself as his heartbeat resounded within his ears. In the inside he was completely breaking down but he forced himself to look up when the staff member cleared his throat.

"As you can see there aren't much of you left anymore," The silence was heavy inside the room as Donghyuck took deep breaths to calm himself. It was only an audition, he repeated to himself internally as he focused on steady breathing.

"So I think it's only right for me to finally congratulate you kids, welcome to the company." Donghyuck's head has never shot up so fast in his entire life. His heartbeat clouded his senses as he looked around to see the rest bringing out their phones and crying as they called their parents to tell them the good news. His hands were shaking as he pressed his mom's contact, voice cracking as she picked up.

"I made it mom," The cry from the other end of the line tugged at the strings of his heart as he heard his mother laugh in joy.

"I always knew you had it in you, I told you that you would make it big didn't I?" He was trying his hardest not to cry, but the tears of the boys around him and the pure love in his mom's voice let a single tear slip out.

"I only got it from the best." His mom's laugh left him feeling warm as he can almost see the deep sunset colors of their thread in the air.

* * *

 After the quick debriefing in the audition room, all the new recruits were ushered by the same staff member into a smaller building. He led them through the elevators and stopped at the third floor, walking along the hallway until he stopped at the door situated at the very end.

"This is your temporary dorm room as trainees, the other rooms are still in renovation so I hope you don't mind it getting a little cramped in there for now." They all bowed as he left them to explore their new home. They heard footsteps coming from the kitchen as they saw a tall man emerge from the back.

"Ten, I think the new recruits are here!" He hollered towards the other side of the dorm in fluent english as a shorter man ran up in front of them and gave them a wide smile.

"Hi, this is Johnny and I'm Ten, the rest went out to get some groceries so you'll get to meet them later on!" His voice was bright as he seemed to radiate light into the room. They all greeted them politely, but Donghyuck seemed to freeze in place when he saw the thread connecting the two males.

A thick red thread with every bright color imaginable was strung between the two, a clear sign of deep love and affection, the width of the string relying the trust and happiness they found in each other. The colors that Donghyuck feared to give were all present in their thread, shining bright against the darkness of the dorm.

He saw the others soon giving Ten and Johnny light yellows and subtle oranges, slowly warming up to them but not fully convinced to call them a friend just yet, but one boy gave both of them the brightest oranges at once. Only someone so gullible and trusting would give such a strong thread at first sight, so when Donghyuck followed the thread to see the face behind it he was nothing short of shocked.

In front of him was a boy whose smile defeated any other colorful thread out there, oranges and yellows hiding in shame as his eyes left them looking dull. Donghyuck couldn't even begin to describe what his eyes held with mere words, they showed so much hope and warmth and it made Donghyuck scared because those who feel the most also get hurt the most.

He smiled up at the two elders and shook hands with them, soon conversing with Johnny in smooth English. Donghyuck quickly looked away when he saw the slight waver of the color pink in the air between them.

* * *

 It's been more than a year since the rookies were introduced to each other and Donghyuck has never had more of a headache than in the dorms. It was always filled with endless strings of shining color, yellow and orange wrapping around the furniture as they all huddle around the tv in the guest area.

It was more of a tradition than anything. Every Saturday when they get dismissed early off dance practice, they gather for a movie marathon until they all fall asleep around the still running television. It was the time where they most felt like they were back home, the laughter shared or the tears being shed each Saturday uniting the group even more as Donghyuck saw their threads glow brighter and get stronger.

Today they decided on a Pixar movie marathon, the night starting off with the opening scene of Up. By the time that the movie reached Carl and Ellie's sequence, Yuta was sobbing into their shared blanket, Hansol just patting him on the back as he tried not to cry himself. The rest started sniffling as Johnny handed out a box of tissues, Taeyong taking a handful for the later scenes.

Donghyuck was too busy comparing his own love story with the movie's, his seat mate may not have died, but for him it hurt much more to see them alive not loving you rather than seeing them dead knowing they loved you. He turned to his right to see Mark looking up at the screen with glossy eyes, a pathetic attempt to discreetly wipe his fallen tears was caught by the younger and he snickered into his share of the blanket.

While Donghyuck shared the most extravagant of thread colors with the other members, oranges and greens meeting each other as flecks of yellow glowed along the thread, he always hid his thread with Mark by constantly teasing him and pushing away the rising shade of pink in the string.

He looked down at their thread and saw that Mark gave him such a blinding combination of the flashiest shades of the sunset, the waves of gold and purple meeting with the bright streaks of yellow and orange as it reflected so much emotions in a single line. Yet not once did Donghyuck ever see a shade of pink show its presence in that thin string.

It forced him to associate Mark with a completely black thread, only one shared by the biggest of enemies. Donghyuck did this because his enemy was his love for his own best friend, so he kept all those deep shades of red and pink hidden within a thick string of black.

Donghyuck stopped looking and focused back on the movie, sighing as Mark moved closer to him and rested his heavy head on his sore shoulder.

* * *

 It was time for the yearly evaluation and Donghyuck was as nervous as ever. He stayed until the latest hours of the night perfecting his evaluation piece, silently breaking down into tears when his voice kept on cracking when he hit a certain note. He knew that he shouldn't have hoped to achieve anything with singing, seeing as how amateur he was compared to Taeil and Doyoung.

His knees gave up on him and he finally fell to the floor, finding comfort in the cool polished wooden flooring of the practice room. He stared at himself in the mirror, seeing the many threads attached to him when a particular string caught his eye.

It was the oddest combination that Donghyuck had ever seen, deep shades of red mixing with flaring streaks of blue as it vibrated with the intensity of the emotions of the beholder. Donghyuck had no clue on who felt so strongly about him, so he broke his own rule and hesitantly reached over to tug on the thread.

"Where's that idiot? He better not be missing sleep just for evaluations tomorrow, idiot's probably doing it anyway. Doesn't he know that the rest are worrying for him back at the dorm? He's been getting unbelievably thinner I'll have to make Taeyong cook him more food again. Once I get my hands on him I swear I'll-" The slamming of the practice room door caused him to let go of the string, looking up to see the one who gave him that thread himself.

"Mark?" It couldn't possibly be Mark visiting him at ass o' clock in the morning, he must be hallucinating as he closed his eyes and pushed his head even closer to the cool training room floor, willing his dream to go away and for his homosexual crisis to stop standing right in front of him.

"That's it, we're going home," Donghyuck gave a small laugh as Mark referred to the dorm as his home, it was so Mark of him to do that, to consider them as his actual family. He felt a hand tugging him up but his knees couldn't support him any longer and he fell straight into the arms of probably imaginary Mark Lee.

"You're so stupid, what would you do without me, huh?" He felt himself being lifted onto eerily realistic probably imaginary Mark Lee's back and he recognized the familiar scent of his vanilla shower gel at once. He decided to make the most out of what seemed to be a realistic reenactment of his early journal entries and wrapped his hand around Mark's neck, feeling the warm laugh resonate from underneath him.

"Yeah, what would I do without you Mark Lee." He failed to notice the warm thrumming of the thread between them.

* * *

 So it wasn't an imaginary Mark Lee after all. He wanted to hide underneath the covers for the rest of his life as he recalled how he acted like a lovestruck fool to the actual man Mark Lee himself.

He woke up to the weight of an arm wrapped tightly around his waist, his head resting on a solid arm that was holding a phone, hand continuously scrolling down a seemingly endless Twitter timeline.

It wasn't unusual for him and Mark to wake up in the other's arms, but it was a little painful for Donghyuck to know that he was the only one who's heart felt like beating out of his ribcage when he woke up to steady breathing against his neck and a chin resting on his shoulder.

He shifted in the other's hold to indicate his consciousness, the older holding him even closer in return. Donghyuck would've loved to stay like this all day, but soon the heavy weight of evaluation woke him up immediately. Mark seemed to sense the sudden rigidness of his body as he tangled his legs with Donghyuck's.

"Don't even think of trying to go back to the practice room you idiot, I had to carry your half-awake unmoving ass all the way from there to here, so don't think I'll let you burn yourself out again." Donghyuck stubbornly tried to get out of his grasp, the need to practice and polish and to make everything _perfect_ clawing him from the inside.

"Mark, you have to let me go and practice, I'll never get anywhere if I don't-" He was suddenly turned around to face the older, the intensity of his gaze sent chills running down Donghyuck's spine.

"Stop doing this to yourself Donghyuck, do you really think you're the only one affected by this? The nights that you've spent staying up to train are the nights that Taeyong spent pacing around the dorm trying his best to control himself from dragging you back here and into bed. You're human, Donghyuck, allow yourself to feel like one too." Mark was holding his face in between his hands, afraid that a movement too rough would scare away the younger.

Donghyuck lied unmoving in Mark's hold, the words sinking in as he looked into the other's eyes. It was filled with such strong emotion that not even a thread could express, Donghyuck's pulse jumped at the thought of that gaze being directed solely at him.

He of all people should know how he affected the lives of the people around him, whether he gives them the feeling of bright yellow or the calming green. He never really paid attention to the sorrowful blues seeping into the strings whenever he stared at his reflection all alone in the cold practice room, isolating himself from the rest to attain his one goal, _perfection_.

He cared so much about what other people thought of him because of this stupid thread business that only he can see, but he failed to look at their eyes instead of the thin string. If Donghyuck could lie to his thread then so can they, but one's eyes could never hide what they truly meant, and in Mark's eyes he saw _home_.

Home wasn't the practice room where he burnt himself out until his lungs would give up on him. Home wasn't the vocal room where he slapped himself awake each minute just to perfect a single song pitch-by-pitch. He could finally see through the eyes of that trusting kid from a year ago that saw everyone as a bright orange, and through those eyes he saw that with his members he was home. 

* * *

 "Hey, hey, Hyuckie, you gotta wake up now," He was being shaken awake by a smiling Mark, who now pulled him out of bed and pushed him inside the bathroom.

"Go clean up, we're heading to the practice rooms in twenty. I left some of my clothes there that you could borrow for today." He heard his muffled voice from the other side of the door and tried his best to not cave in on himself for not practicing until his limit for this evaluation.

He hurriedly showered and tried to think of anything but failure. _Failure_ , he feared it so much that he forgot to let himself live and learn from his past mistakes. His fear of failing held him back from most of their Saturday movie nights and their midnight ramen escapades as he holed himself up in the training room, forcing himself to think that this was right, this was what he needed to do.

He shook his thoughts out as he hurriedly dried himself and put on the clothes laid out on the bathroom counter for him to wear. The smell of his best friend's shower gel lingered at the collar, which helped the thoughts of never debuting drift away from his mind.

He went outside and Mark, probably noticing his troubled expression, quickly took hold of Donghyuck's shoulders and forced him to look into his eyes.

"You'll do great." He almost had Donghyuck convinced, but it wasn't enough to quell the thought of being sent out of the company that has always been eating him up from the inside.

"And if I don't?" The thread that Mark gave him shone of every bright shade possible to man, but an underlying streak of a mellow shade of blue travelled around it.

"Then they'll have to take me away with you."

* * *

It was like he was that nervous kid from a year ago once again, knees threatening to give up on him as the hand holding the mic was slightly quivering.

He saw the members at the right side of the room, their threads filled with dark shades of purples and blues and Donghyuck hated making them worry like this. He took a deep breath and looked at the cold wooden floor, the same one he's collapsed onto a hundred times before.

He decided that this performance wasn't to impress the judges anymore. He didn't want to sing to stay in the company, neither did he want to sing to achieve the highest compliments from the judges. He wanted to sing for his family right in front of him, he wanted to sing to turn their threads into a shockingly bright sunset, not wanting to face the dark waves of purple any longer.

For the first time since he met him, Donghyuck removed all boundaries on his thread for Mark. He watched as the black gave way to a beautiful array of colors, blues playing with the color of grass under the sun, the deepest shade of red wrapping around the entire length of it as he followed the string to look directly at Mark.

His eyes must have poured out everything as he saw the older's eyes widen under his gaze. He looked at each of his members and gave them the widest and most genuine smile he could muster. The energy ran through him as he saw their threads turning into the most blinding shade of gold as they smiled back at him, knowing that they finally got their Donghyuck back.

He faced the judges straight on this time, not fearing whatever color they'll give him. After all this wasn't for them anymore. In the end his voice still cracked at the parts he spent sleepless nights on, the threads the judges gave him weren't as bright as when he used to waste his time just to see them give him a blinding golden one, but the light radiating from his members outshone any other matter in the practice room.

The wooden floor was still the same cold temperature that it was, but somehow when the members tackled him which resulted with him falling onto his back, the floor seemed to welcome him instead of beckon him to stay for another twelve hours.

After evaluations the vocal coach asked to speak with him, which didn't surprise him considering the difference in his performance altogether. What he didn't expect was to be met with the proudest smile his coach has ever given him and the brightest thread he's ever associated with Donghyuck.

"I'm glad you finally learned who to really sing for. Its much more golden to see you sing imperfectly with such passion rather than to see you sing soullessly with perfect pitch." His coach pressed down on the thread between them, shocking Donghyuck as he thought he was the only one who saw the endless lines of color.

"Go ahead and break your own rules, you'll learn much more if you do so." His coach pointed towards the threads connecting to him, placing Donghyuck's hand atop of one.

He heard Taeyong's voice ringing in his head, the nagging voice telling him to eat more, the broken voice calling for him in the practice rooms. He went ahead and reached for the rest of the strings, the shock of how much he didn't know taking him by surprise.

"Someone please check on Donghyuck. I'm glad he's even returned before four a.m today. Did Donghyuck see me turn the power off just to get him to go back to the dorm? I hope he noticed the extra popcorn we left for him after movie night." Everyone's voices flooded into his head, wrapping him in the feeling of warmth, of being needed, of being _loved_.

Donghyuck hesitated to touch the seemingly new thread someone's attached to him. Not just anyone, _Mark_. From the previous glowing sunset it's transformed into a thick black string, Donghyuck's heart breaking as he saw the darkness of the thread.

He slowly placed his fingers on it and was shocked to hear an abundance of emotions coming from a lone voice in his head, an explosion of every possible color in the spectrum spreading out onto his fingers.

"Donghyuck looks cute today. I wanna stay in bed with him for a little while longer. Will he find it weird if I carry him back to the dorm? Will he leave me if he finds out that I'm completely in love with him and his voice? I would love Lee Donghyuck with all that I have but-" Donghyuck's heart sank with the word "but", bracing himself for the exact same sentence that broke his first love years ago.

"-he probably doesn't love me back." He froze as he processed the last phrase over and over again. Mark wasn't afraid of loving him even if he were a boy, he was only afraid that he didn't love him back.

* * *

 After evaluations they had Saturday movie night, the atmosphere better than ever with Donghyuck's presence on the couch. It felt weird not seeing strings anymore, the dorm feeling a little emptier at the absence of the humming at the back of Donghyuck's head.

They were watching Titanic and he felt Mark sigh from above him as he played with Donghyuck's hair. He wasn't focusing much on the movie, having watched it with his mother a few years back and instead laid down on his best friend's lap, busying himself with the bowl of popcorn.

"Man, when will I get someone like that who'd do some reckless shit with me then still kiss me afterwards," Mark closed his eyes and leaned back onto the cushions, his fingers never stopping from playing with Donghyuck's roots.

"Well if you'd actually open your eyes and take a pretty good look around, you'd see someone who'd willingly do all that crazy shit with you then still kiss you afterwards even if you almost dropped them on the way to the dorm." The fingers in his hair froze as Mark's wide eyes looked down at him. They were so open and Donghyuck could read all of his emotions even without that damn thread.

"Am I looking at the right direction then?" Mark's voice was soft and unsure, barely heard over the movie's loud sound effects. Donghyuck sat himself up and looked at Mark dead in the eye, bumping their foreheads together as he looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"If you want me to be, then yes," Mark's soft chuckle was warm against Donghyuck's lips, his hand grabbing the back of Donghyuck's neck and tilted his head up for a kiss.

It was more than what touching one's thread felt like, it was like electricity running throughout Donghyuck's entire being, his lips unconsciously curling into a smile as his arms found their way around Mark's neck, lips still pressed together as they basked in the warmth of each other's presence.

Donghyuck pulled away due to the lack of air, but was instantly wrapped in Mark's strong embrace, the two of them finding space for both of them on the couch as their legs were tangled with the other's and their hands met below the blanket.

Mark looked at him with his eyes shining brighter than the golden strings he's worked nights for, telling him that he didn't need any of those when the boy in front of him shone the brightest colors of the sunset in Donghyuck's eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it, comments will be greatly appreciated and will inspire me to finish my mega fics uwu
> 
> note : regarding donghyuck not seeing the threads anymore, i left that open-ended and for you guys to read into! it can be because he's finally seen his importance to others (something he defined using the strings) or because he finally went out of his comfort zone and touched the strings. sorry for the confusion and thank you to the person who pointed this out so i can clear it up :^))


End file.
